contemplation of the beat




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xmas? what xmas?
Saturday, December 27, 2008 @ 1:53 AM

well..
25th of december came n past just like that.
woke up at at 2 that day.
n stayed home.
ate kfc for lunch.
n ordered mac for dinner.
everything is so degrading.
from e lonliest cny this year due to family probs.
n now lonliest xmas.
i celebrated xmas in wow myself as well..
family gatherings..
friend outings..
a cosy time with a loved 1.
no...
it didn't happen..
nothing happened.

i miss my family..
i seriously do.
family nt is in my mom n dad..
but my uncles aunts n cousins especially.
from a weekly sunday gathering at my grandparents place..
from a cny gathering full of fun.
to even a reunion dinner.
a xmas party.
to a cold n distant relationship.
i miss everything..
its karma i guess..
my family seems to be e blacksheep of all e others.
the only family with a only child.
e only family whos brothers n sisters backstab my parents
on both dad n mom's side.
a family who is being looked down apon.
n expected to clear up e mess
while we face all e shit they throw at us.
to a family i miss so very much.

i've used up all my help lines already.
family
friends
girlfriend
i've used em all....
n i'm still at e bottom.
gaining nth..
but e jeers of e audiences..

a quote by theodore bagwell:
"we are the prisoners of our own identity"
we are e prisoners of who we made ourselves to be.
n we remain a prisoner of who we are.
but to be who we are not,
we must break out from this prison.
n run..
run from everything.
n start anew
never look back..
n never get caught.



can i break from my own prison?