got burnt?
Thursday, January 29, 2009 @ 1:47 AM
i hate it...
totally fucking hate it..
when u come n yell at me..
without trying to reason with me 1st..
anyone for that matter..
anger n attitude is no smart way to deal with me..
i'll just fucking snap n go beserk..
so to that ng wee wee..
screw u..
bloody square minded nerd..
u can't teach for nuts..
well maybe not teach..
but u sure have no bloody social skills to be a good teacher.
i have no respect for such ppl..
dammit.
spoil my whole day.
btw ya..
i have a anger problem to those who didn't know.
been trying very hard to keep it already.
bear with me.
the fear of opening up..
the opposition takes a different approach..
n finds way to dissapear n ignore u..
am i getting that?
or am i thinking too much
as usual.
i have a bad feeling i'm gonna crawl back up into my shell.
like a fire that has rekindled.
just a puff..
and in a split second..
e fire dies out..
thats all it takes..
easy come easy go.
can i built on it again?
dammit.
fire rekindled
Wednesday, January 28, 2009 @ 2:16 AM
visited uncle vincent's place in e morning.
few familiar faces that i've not seen for a year..
rather refreshing.
everyone is changing haha..
their looks.
style.
even relationships heh.
have i changed this chinese new year?
i hope so.
just a typical day i guess..
nth 'special' actually happened.
for e afternoon i mean..
evening a whole diff story :)
met yh for dinner.
followed by weixiang.
his girlfriend n her brother who just came back
from visiting.
headed to mac to grab coffees
mac's new ice caramel latte taste rather
similar to my fav caramel machiato from starbucks.
cheaper too.
atleast i have a source of coffee again heh.
n yes..
during our coffee break.
i msged her again.
well..
atleast i had something going..
it wasn't long.
but i'm glad something came out of it.
i'm gonna take this 1 slow.
rushing into things just screws everything up.
i hope to talk to her soon.
its just this small bit..
that has rekindled my fire to carry on.
i only hope i don't get burnt.
2009 good year fer horse?
Tuesday, January 27, 2009 @ 5:16 AM
well..
according to my parents e horse is gonna
have some good luck this year..
which is about time..
i hope..
lucky colour is white...
which i so happen to choose 2day..thank god.
went to my mom's side 1st..
so awkward as i expected..
we didnt even stay long...
n only about 1/4 of e family was present.
we stayed like ard...30-45mins?
n we left..
which totally sucked..
picked tony up..
n headed to my dad's side.
well..
it was fun 2day.
alot of good laughs i've not had with my couz.
but its like only su n jo..
e rest were like off gambling somewhere..
well it was enuff for me.
ended up being boycotted again..
cheers to that.
really tired...its 5.20 in e morning.
gonna stop here.
well..
i tried to step out of my box alr.
i msged her.
n i didnt really got a reply i expected.
abit dissapointed n sad..
anyways..
i'm gonna try again :)
cus
u're worth it.
thru the monsoon
Saturday, January 24, 2009 @ 1:21 AM
well..
went to sch..
for TD lab...
signed my attendance..
n slacked in it for awhile..
until shawn called me asking if i'm heading back
to cchy for cny celebrations.
at 1st i was....
nahx...i have class..
den e stupid U Tin Lin pissed me off..
so i left ard 10.15..
n made my way back to cchy..
got there..
everyone's hair could make it.
BUT MINE!!
yes i cut my hair again..
real short nw..
anyways..
we went into sch thru e back gate..
n everything was smooth from there on.
its good to see all my old teachers..
they are so much more fun.
lively n entertaining than poly.
i so freaking miss sec sch..
e days of sleeping in class..
messing with e teacher...
having a table tats 'ur spot'
a hang out corner in e class..
so much fun it was..
relax..
n i thought i hated sec sch..
dammit.
well..
i finally got my new year stuff..
got myself a volcom low cut shoe..
was on 20% so got it for $68..
n 2 shirts from my fav tshirt store at $57..
well..tats pretty much it..
jamming sessions at RP..
finally.
i got my drum score moving a LITTLE bit..
though i only have 2 rythems only..
their in e direction of which i want em to go..
hoping to build up on them..
need to split more parts n add more actions..
i'm pretty happy tat i actually got to record them..
due to my extreme case of STM.
gotta bring on e spice!!
long train rides make me think
of what i'm gonna/wanna say to u.
chinese new year?
Friday, January 23, 2009 @ 12:17 AM
chinese new year.
a time for celebrations..
n family gatherings.
reunion dinners..
ang pao..
meeting ur distant relatives that u only usually see this period of time.
and for each chinese new year..
it always begins at the reunion dinner
on new years eve.
n thus new year comes there after..
so..
if u don't have a reunion dinner..
does chinese new year come?
if u don't celebrate it with ur family..
does chinese new year come?
well..
my answers will be answered this sunday..
new year's eve.
being boycotted..
sometimes adults are more childish then us teenagers.
pride n ego consumes all man..
despite their age.
went to visit my grandmom's grave in e morning.
this will also be e 1st new year which
we will celebrate without her..
i forsee a heavy cloud of emotions approaching.
including for myself.
this new year..
has no meaning at all to me now..
e excitement of staying over my grand parents place..
with my couz...
crapping n playing e night away
to getting ready wad cloths i wanna get n plan
wad to wear..
how to style my hair..
all those stuff..
this year..
i'm actually doing last min shopping..
so half past ten.
i guess it'll be wishful thinking to say..
'oh how i wish everything will go back to normal'
i just wonder..
how many more chinese new years will be like this.
heh...
maybe i might actually get used to this.
oh..
2days performance was freaking awkward.
its like..
e audience..are all..wth?
we perform finish..
no applause...
ending pose..
no applause..
we bow..
still nothing.
we had to wait for e mc to go..
ZINGO EVERYBODY!~
den they clapped.
wth..
so totally anti-climax.
TCS is fun!!
i..
want..
to..
talk..
to..
her.....
step out of the square?
Wednesday, January 21, 2009 @ 12:53 AM
"you see this square?
u need to step out of it"
a comment from yong han b4 he trip over a wire..
is that a sign if i do step out of e box i'm gonna fall?
well apart from his unfortunate bad example.
he has a point.
my box has been getting very big lately..
too big for me to climb out..
i look myself in e mirror..
n cant find myself 3-4 years ago..
the person who would make e effort to try..
the person who always starts e conversation..
the person who starts the chase...
the person who kept chasing till he gets it..
to what i am now..
fragile..
n timid..
hiding in e corner of my box..
those were e days..
i would pick up my phone n just drop a 'yo!! wad cha doin?' msg..
or when a msn alert appears and anxiously click it asap
n drop a 'yo!! wad cha doin?'
now..
i cant even talk properly..
i get all scared..
i dun dare pick up my phone..
and if i do..
i scroll over to e name...
stare at it...
n drop e phone back into my pouch..
stares at e comp screen waiting for her to come online..
when she does..
i'll stare at her msn nick..
n go back into playing wow..
for e 1st time...
mr koh yong han is actually right!
i do need to step out of this square..
but there are so much uncertanties outside of it..
so much doubts..
n fears..
its like staying in a dark box for so long..
n when u open e lid..
e flash of light blinds u...
n u rush to close e box once again..
i need bloody sun glasses for goodness sake.
damn it girl...
are u playing me?
i actually thought u would have waited for me as u did for him.
i guess i have yet placed my hopes to high..
i was so glad at e start of class..
u're e reason i come to sch everyday.
i so hate being in e same project group as him..
let the chase officially begin..
i dun wanna lose her..
not her...
not again..
awaken.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009 @ 10:47 PM
ok...its e 1st time double posting..
its weird..
dammit..
i can't think straight..
i tried to stop gaming today..
n instead..
fcuk..
shes getting into my thick skull..
i wish she were OC or PIPC or even TD..
i'll get full marks for tests..
tick away
as the dust fades off..
the eyes awaken..
deep slumber..
gaining conciousness...
daydreams and regrets..
attraction spurs the heart..
attention captures none..
fear stimulates the soul..
consumes the heart..
messes the brain..
as we wait apon..
answers..
and for one..
so that we can awake..
as one.
love makes u crazy
rushing into things..
my pace is moving as fast as my heart..
whenu run too fast..
u either reach ur destination
with joy n relief..
or u just fall off a cliff..
cus u cant stop ur momentum..
dammit girl..
you have captivated my heart
avoid?
@ 9:12 PM
erm ok..
i placed my hopes to high?
no i dun think so..
i got carried away?
i aint sure..
i gotta get this right asap..
i don't have much time left..
it aint me to rush into things..
but i gotta get it done..
asap..
wadeva e cost..
well almost at any cost..
i cant afford to lose this time..
thursday is the charm..
its e perfect chance..
n if i miss it again..
i can only cont. with wishful thinking.
to design my own future.
Monday, January 12, 2009 @ 11:44 PM
O lvls results 2day.
1 year has passed by so fast..
it seemed not long ago
i was in my cchy uniform..
in e hall..
anxious to collect my results..
mr koh ar..
tsk..
i only can wish u luck into getting into RP now.
n i hope u enjoy ur course with no regrets..
like how i have..
i still cant get my ambition straight on..
a frequently asked qn..
what do u wanna be when u grow up?
up till now...
i still have no freaking idea..
i wanted to be a vet when i was young..
but i hate science..
n i cant bear to cut a animal open.
then i wanted to be a accountant
to take over my dad's company...
look where my results brought me..
then i thought of lawyer..
cus i talk cock sing song..
nahx...gotta be realistic.
then i started enjoying design n art..
nt really started..
started a long time ago..
it just sparked recently..
but then i ask myself..
do i really want it?
is it my typical 'want' and not a 'need'
creative media design has been tempting me
for e past 2-3 years..
but do i really wanna do it?
but 1 thing is for sure..
i sure don't want chem eng for my future..
thats a damn certain fact..
this is just one of my many
stupid decisions in life i made so far..
so i fear...
will i be making my next?
or instead creating it..
but i think..
while i decide on how my life is going to go about..
i wish to do sth i enjoy..
n sth i'm interested in..
so i enjoy life..
n find meaning to it in e process..
instead of tormenting myself
with sth i hate n go no where..
this is my biggest design project ever.
OH YA I CUT MY HAIR AGAIN :)
i won't chicken out..
or else koh yong han has a reason to whack me.
i'm gonna remove this lock
n open a new me.
left4dead! hehehehe
@ 1:38 AM
left4dead hehehe...
give u 5% off.
NAHX!
thx marc for sending it to me..
pretty fun game..
over came e stupid zombies by spamming anything i saw..
no wonder my accuracy lowest.
luan luan lai 1..
NVM!
burst a couple of heads or 2 was fun..
so much more fun while playing with a mic..
went to esplanade 2day..
went to meet up with my theatre studies teammates to get
our presentation done..
Elizabethan era of theatre..
did u noe~~
-costumes costed more than producing a show..
-only males were allowed to act..
(yes even female roles)
-execution's were real..they'll get prisoners on death sentance.
and many cool stuff..
spent 3 hours compiling stuff up..
rather pleased..
rather pleased..
KEL THUZAD HAS BEEN SLAIN!
so cool...
helm got out rolled by 3 tmd..
idiot mage...
hate em all..
each day pass
n i keep wondering..
when do i get to see u again.
fears of being burnt
Sunday, January 11, 2009 @ 1:07 AM
woke up..6.15am..
got a spike of pain down in e chest..
fell back to sleep again..
n i missed drum.
went to e doctors..
is it really just muscle contraction?
it hurts like fuck..
seriously..
i aint making an excuse to be late for drums.
i hope they dun think that way..
muscle contractions..
leading to affecting my lungs..
n thru e heart in e process?
or am i simply thinking too much.
RP as a new training ground, to me its
a really cool change
e vibe is diff..
n it feels like working at a studio now.
slightly more lively as well...
with students around..
a cooler environment.
and of cus my fav part,
isolation
n no mufflers!
i cant do much 2day in my condition..
but determined to give it all asap...
it sucks to see a drum
but u cant play it
with full energy n strength..
since its e only source of my expression now.
n i take pride in it :)
jamming sessions on friday...
gonna try some cool stuff then..
wooo!
its only when u put ur heart n soul
into it..
everything will show on ur performance..
that aint looking to good on my studies.
i fear..
i fear i'm letting feelings going over my head.
i fear i'm putting my hopes too high..
i fear my judgement..
i fear being over confident..
i fear being cocky..
i fear being ahead of myself..
i fear rejection..
i fear being hated..
i fear being dissapointed by..
i fear being dissapointed..
gonna take a leap of faith..
wish me luck.
flipside.
Friday, January 9, 2009 @ 12:25 AM
the story of how chemical engineering was found
written n authored by lee han chiew
student of class A8D2:
'once there was a fish...
den got chemical lor...
den piyo piyo piyo...
she become a girl!
den she try e chemical on her babies
then they all turn human lor..
then she want to become a boy..
den she sang 'if i were a boy~'
n she become boy lor
thats e story of hw chemical engineering was created.'
yes....i go thru his dumb brainless crap everyday.
stupid fella...
couldn't stop laughing.
all this just cus our chem eng booth for tp open hse
had a stupid fish tank for display.
thanks hc for ur dumb story :))
gonna pick my guitar up
n whipe e dust off
n begin to learn shred it again.
i wan jamming sessions with tony!
we planned this for so very long..
but never got to do it.
i gotta study hard so that i can go jamming without having
to worry bout sub papers.. dammit
ROCK ON!!
thanks wong su ann..
my crazy couz thats left from my family still talking to me.
e only person who i can talk with no regrets..
talk freely n always having a laugh for wadeva e topic.
ppl gt new bf liao le..mai siao siao..
was fun talking to her..
gotta meet up more often..
thanks for making me feel better :)
freaking hell..
freaking hell..
my blood lung had a prob 2day..
well last night actually
on my home from bugis on e train which i slept on e journey.
i woke up at ard khatib station to find myself having chest pain.
i kinda ignored it...but it was there..
so i thought i might have ate sth wrong?
but wads e pain doing at my chest..
e pain persisted all e way home...till i went to bed.
e pain was still there...but i was uber tired..
so i slept thru it hoping e pain will go e next day.
wrong.
e pain was still there n even more painful when i woke up
went to sch anyway...
den i realise yawning..deep breaths swallowing talking made e pain
too much to handle.
so during lunch..
e pain was too much n i left sch for home to see e doctor.
bloody hell..doctor scare me n say
my right lung could have collapsed?
some kinda muscle contraction or sth..
she said its common..
nth serious..
but its like..pain?
so she suggested i go get a xray which i did..
e results came back to be normal..
n she said there is nth wrong -.-
den wad e heck is e pain going on in me?
anyway..
she said e pain MIGHT be a sympton to some kinda
long named scientific sickness
which would work like my lungs
getting filled with air
n squeezing my lung...making it like a mini bomb?
which might end up affecting my heart rate n breathing
n might cause death -.-
but according to her...she saids its nth serious..
it better be man..
i cant imagine my lung suddenly go BOOM!
den my name will be in e news for committing a suicide bombing.
den my name will be in e news for committing a suicide bombing.
crap.
all she gave me were pain killers..
dammit.
it better be alright..
or am i thinking/worrying too much?
yes...it hurts now still..
this is e only type of chemistry
that keeps me going on
to work harder
n drives me everyday.
isolation's defects.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009 @ 10:36 PM
life is not turning out well..
deep down there is always sth eating me up inside..
what happened to e fuck care attitude i had?
turning so blood emotional over small stuff..
cant control my emotions any more..
zack siew:"ziming ar...u have to find ur problem n solve it!
i dun wanna noe wads ur problem.just fix it."
whats my problem?
breaking down with world of warcraft?
or is world of warcraft my source of subsiding e pain.
if i remove wow..
den i get emo..
i'll just slack at home..
lie in bed..watch tv.
blast tunes into my skull.
i want n need to move on from what happened in '08.
to pick myself up.
get back into e game.
n go get it.
emotions mixed.
confused.
insecure.
afraid.
unsure.
i took a personallity test today.
in e past i was a 70-80% extrovert.
now..
its 63% introvert.
even i was shocked of my results.
my personallity...
everything..
is crumbling like a cookie.
i look forward to play wow.
i look forward to RP friday jamming sessions.
i look forward to composing my own drum piece.
i look forward to a action packed piece.
i look forward to practice drunken fists.
i look forward to more performances.
i look forward to letting my emotions go on e drums.
but.
i'm only looking forward to go for my theatre studies.
be it desperation
be it a crush
be it love
be it attraction
she has gain full attention from me.